May 13, 2012

Cautley Bhawan: Survival Tactics

This post is dedicated to the ones from Mechanical and Civil, who have been allotted rooms in this hostel atleast for the next year.

Until I was dragging my luggage out of the main gate of Cautley Bhawan earlier today, I didn't realise that I would not be coming back to claim my room S-08. In case you do not belong to my college, you might think that I was very sad about the fact. On the contrary, it's quite the opposite. I am actually very happy that I am leaving this hostel for a new one, one which is far better in terms of one important thing: internet speed. In a way, I feel bad for the ones who are gonna get this hostel next year. So, I come up with this blog post saying what exactly to expect here.


I make it pretty well known to my friends that I do not like dogs. Especially street dogs. If there was one dog (like the one in Ravindra Bhawan) it would have been tolerable. However, at this place, there are probably atleast fifteen, and they do not have the concept of family planning, so you can understand their number just increases exponentially.

What to do: Avoid them. They would even come to the second floor, but just avoid them. If one stays outside your room too long, spit on it. The dog would think it is raining and run away (That is what one of friends did pretty much to great effect.)

What not to do: Cuddling them. That is a strict no no. One guy was so close to a puppy, that he even named him 'Raju', however, that story doesn't have a happy ending. He got bit while cuddling the puppy with his feet.


The Cautley Bhawan mess is really a 'mess'; in terms of everything. Firstly, it is so far from the hostel. You have to cross three hostels, and four other ones are closer to you than your own. Secondly, the food is anything but awesome. So, keep calm, and avoid the mess.

What to do: Order from Domino's. Maybe twice a week. Follow them on Twitter (@dominos_india) and like the facebook page ( for great offers (mostly online but good enough)... Go to Sagar, Prakash, Polaris, Royal Palace, Chowringee Lane, but avoid the mess.

What not to do: Eat regularly at the mess. Never. If you succeed in doing so, you will be considered the greatest person on Earth.

Mosquitoes & Rats:

Basically, if you're in the second floor, you won't encounter rats. But the bloody mosquitoes are everywhere. Your room, the washroom, the lawns, Lipton, the canteen, the ground. You name it.

What to do: Dance to their tunes.

What not to do: Kill them. After all, they have the right to live, no matter how puny little disgusting creatures they are.

Condition of Rooms:

This hostel is most probably the oldest construction in the institution, or maybe the whole of Roorkee. So, you can pretty well guess the condition of the rooms. Yes, they are just waiting to be towed by a moster truck.

What to do: Stay anywhere else but your room. For me, it was the IMG lab. I would suggest you go to your friend's room in a nearby hostel or any other place.

What not to do: Stay in the bhawan during an earthquake. Believe me, even the slightest of tremors can bring this hostel down. God save the inmates.


Disclaimer: This does not apply to everyone. There are few good and sensible ones, but this is to describe a general Matka.
Yes, they are the majority in the hostel. Such is their influence, that during the Bhawan day, Matkas(or Matkis, whatever) were hung from our balconies.

What to do: If you get a room allotted next to a matka, run. Run for your life and never look back. I was unfortunate enough to get a room next to one. He would play random Hindi songs, but that's not the worst part. He would play the same song over and over again for a zillion times. You would calm yourself down at night and somehow make yourself go to sleep, only to get up in the morning realizing the same song has been playing all night. Oh God Why!

What not to do: Strike up a conversation with a Matka. Believe me, you would realize withing minutes that studying rocket science would have been a better option.

P.S. I didn't mention the wifi; everyone knows how it is.

The Squirrels

The Greenery

The Good Things:

It may seem that there are a lot of bad stuff about this hostel, but there are a lot of things that make it pretty unique as well. The greenery for one thing is very striking. You go out of your room and realise that it is just short of paradise (if you can shut out your mind to the negative facts there)... One more thing is that you would have Lipton, the most sought after thing in the gaon* of IITR. In addition to that, if you are an animal lover, you would find a lot of squirrels (chance to take pictures...) In case you got allotted a room there, cribbing is not gonna help you, because you are gonna trapped there, for at least a year. So, it's high time you ignore the ones I mentioned about (although that is gonna be a herculean task.)

Matka -/mutt-Kaa -/ noun -/ MTech student (also, matki) or for any general PG
Gaon -/ ga-oun -/ noun -/ Area where Rajendra, Cautley and Ganga bhawans are located. This area is far from main campus area (departments, library etc) so that area is known as gaon. 

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