Lord Heskey

Emile Heskey- the bad ass of English football. With 62 appearances for the national team,  he finally decided to call it quits after the 2010 World Cup. Having played for Liverpool and Birmingham City in the past, and after Aston Villa did the blunder of releasing him as a free agent earlier this year, he signed for Aussie club Newcastle Jets, and is the top scorer in the league now. He is perhaps the most trolled football player, only after Balotelli. Here is a collection of them.

Made by @HeskeyHeskey, graphic by Isaac Fisher

Let's have a look on why Heskey is better than Lionel Messi!

• Heskey has never missed a penalty, Messi has.
• Heskey has 61 caps for England, Messi has 0.
• Heskey has scored 7 goals for England, Messi has 0.
• Heskey has scored 100+ goals in the Premier League, Messi has never scored in it.
• Heskey's feet are size 15, Messi's are a tiny size 10.
• Emile's shots go out for throw-ins, Messi's don't.
• Heskey misses a lot because he doesn't want to upset the goalkeepers feelings, Messi just scores all the time because he's a twat.
• Heskey has played in more World Cups than Messi.
• Emile has played for more clubs than Messi, meaning he is more versatile.
• Heskey has been bought for bigger transfers fee than Messi ever has.
• Heskey quite clearly has a better haircut than Messi.
• Messi played sh*t in the Champions League Semi Final against Chelsea, Heskey didn't.
• Heskey has never had a bad gamein La Liga, Messi has.
• Heskey weighs much more than Messi, making him the better man.
• Heskey can play without Xavi and Iniesta.
• Heskey changes clubs regularly, as he wants to give everyone a chance with his brilliance, Messi just stays at Barcelona.
• Heskey has better strength, heading accuracy and aggression on FIFA 12 (the only attributes that matter).
• Heskey has played more times in the Euros than Messi.
• Heskey's middle name is 'William Ivanhoe', which is far better and cooler than Messi's.
• Heskey has had horrible managers such as Alex Mcleish and Steve Bruce, whereas Messi has had Frank Rijkaard and Pep Guardiola.
• Heskey can play at Centre Back, Messi can't.

LORD HESKEY, indeed!

Here are a few quotes on Heskey(pun intended).
Lionel Messi - "I don't like to be known as the best player in the world, because for me, it has to be Emile Heskey, no doubt"

Cristiano Ronaldo - "He was the player I looked up to early in my career, I like to think my style of play replicates his"

Jose Mourinho - "I tried to sign him for Real Madrid when I first joined, but he wasn't interested, I was ready to break the bank"

Roy Hodgson - "My biggest regret as England manager was not taking Emile Heskey to the Euro's, If I would have picked him, we would have won it, I'm sure of that"

Sir Alex Ferguson - "Whenever my team played against Emile Heskey, I would put 2 defenders on him, maybe even 3 sometimes, he was that good"

Cheryl Cole - "I don't like football much, but I like Emile Heskey in those shorts, why ayeee man"

Robin Van Persie - "Whenever I'm in a little bit of a goal drought, I just watch videos of Emile Heskey, great inspiration"

Wayne Rooney - "Before we signed Robin Van Persie, I begged Sir Alex to sign Emile Heskey, I even offered to pay his wages"

Rihanna - "I once asked Emile Heskey out on a date, but he turned me down"

Wigan owner Dave Whelan - "When Emile Heskey played for the club, we got record crowds of 412, now we onlyget 150 max, he was a dream"

Petr Cech - "Whenever I knew I was going to play against Heskey, I would try to fake an injury, I didn't want to concede all those goals"