Jun 29, 2012

An interview with Fergie

Sir Alex Ferguson. Arguably one of the best managers in world football today. Loved by the United faithful. Hated by everyone else. This is a mock interview with Fergie and not to be taken seriously. Just for laughs.

Me: Where do the millions go?
SAF: Haven't you noticed what I do? Chewing Gum, of course. It is my first and only love! (still a better love story than twilight...) Something else that I spend on is a very poorly hidden fact. Does the name Spidey ring a bell?

Me: Why did Scholes come out of retirement, again?
SAF: He never retired. He came to training one day wearing a "I ♥ Balotelli" T shirt and I instructed him to go and play with that arrogant lad. Six months of trying (unsuccessfully) to convince Mancini to sign him, he finally apologized and the good person that I am, I took him back.

Me: Speaking of Mancini, what exactly was the issue during the Manchester derby?
SAF: Mancini was very happy regarding the fact that he had offered Howard Webb a better contract. I gestured that Webb is as faithful as a puppy and he won't listen to anyone else. Turns out he was right! Webb couldn't help me regain the trophy. I am considering parting ways. There are a number of other budding youngsters out there!

Me: How much do you pay Howard Webb anyways?
SAF: See, if I tell you that, don't you think FFP guys will catch hold of me? Anyways, I can say that he certainly is happier than Samuel Eto'o.

Me: Noisy Neighbors tipped you to the trophy in extra time. How does that feel?
SAF: Certainly doesn't feel good. We were 8 points ahead. We were destined to be Champ20ns. I already had the posters printed! The buses painted for the rally! Sigh. I had called Carlos Tevez to make sure he didn't score by promising a bonus. And look at his guts, he tells me to R.I.P.? His time will also come...

Me: From reaching the final to being kicked out of Europe twice in the same season. How is that even possible?
SAF: I hate clubs having names starting with B. Last season, it was Barcelona. This time, Basel and Bilbao. These clubs must be banned from playing the Champions League!

Me: On an unrelated note, how could you let Forlan leave?
SAF: I hated his hairstyle. I told him more than once to change it. He did not listen to me. So, I showed him who's boss.

Me: And what about Pique?
SAF: Ah, he was involved with some pop singer since then. That was a bad influence on the other players. So, I never let him get over the reserves!

Me: Lastly, what are your plans on retirement?
SAF: I would have retired when we became the Champ19ns. But Mourinho ruined my plans. Now, I want to win trophies (with Manchester United?) in Portugal, Italy and Spain before I retire.

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