Jun 29, 2012
An interview with Fergie
Labels: Alex Ferguson
Me: Where do the millions go?
SAF: Haven't you noticed what I do? Chewing Gum, of course. It is my first and only love! (still a better love story than twilight...) Something else that I spend on is a very poorly hidden fact. Does the name Spidey ring a bell?
Me: Why did Scholes come out of retirement, again?
SAF: He never retired. He came to training one day wearing a "I ♥ Balotelli" T shirt and I instructed him to go and play with that arrogant lad. Six months of trying (unsuccessfully) to convince Mancini to sign him, he finally apologized and the good person that I am, I took him back.
Me: Speaking of Mancini, what exactly was the issue during the Manchester derby?
SAF: Mancini was very happy regarding the fact that he had offered Howard Webb a better contract. I gestured that Webb is as faithful as a puppy and he won't listen to anyone else. Turns out he was right! Webb couldn't help me regain the trophy. I am considering parting ways. There are a number of other budding youngsters out there!
Me: How much do you pay Howard Webb anyways?
SAF: See, if I tell you that, don't you think FFP guys will catch hold of me? Anyways, I can say that he certainly is happier than Samuel Eto'o.
Me: Noisy Neighbors tipped you to the trophy in extra time. How does that feel?
SAF: Certainly doesn't feel good. We were 8 points ahead. We were destined to be Champ20ns. I already had the posters printed! The buses painted for the rally! Sigh. I had called Carlos Tevez to make sure he didn't score by promising a bonus. And look at his guts, he tells me to R.I.P.? His time will also come...
Me: From reaching the final to being kicked out of Europe twice in the same season. How is that even possible?
SAF: I hate clubs having names starting with B. Last season, it was Barcelona. This time, Basel and Bilbao. These clubs must be banned from playing the Champions League!
Me: On an unrelated note, how could you let Forlan leave?
SAF: I hated his hairstyle. I told him more than once to change it. He did not listen to me. So, I showed him who's boss.
Me: And what about Pique?
SAF: Ah, he was involved with some pop singer since then. That was a bad influence on the other players. So, I never let him get over the reserves!
Me: Lastly, what are your plans on retirement?
SAF: I would have retired when we became the Champ19ns. But Mourinho ruined my plans. Now, I want to win trophies (with Manchester United?) in Portugal, Italy and Spain before I retire.
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